


The Meaning of Christmas

by Icecat62



Category: due South
Genre: F/M, Gen, Holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 01:32:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2291999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icecat62/pseuds/Icecat62
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser learns the meaning of Christmas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Meaning of Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to RedSuitsYou@onelist.com - 12/02/1999.
> 
> This is a tie in to my Francesca & Benton series. The Christmas before Francesca and Benton get together.
> 
>  
> 
> Any of you who have ever been to a Catholic Christmas service know that it is long, involves kids and plays, big sermons, etc. I made mine short and quick...therefore the need to suspend disbelief. ;-)   
> Hope all of you have a safe and happy holiday season with your loved ones...here and gone.

*I'm alone. It's Christmas morning and I sit in my apartment with Diefenbaker by my side. Well technically then I'm not alone. I have Dief. But like the cold gray sky outside, my cold empty apartment speaks the truth. Constable Turnbull has gone home to visit with family. Inspector Thatcher has done the same. I know at this moment Ray and his family sit around the Christmas tree opening gifts. I can only imagine what it must be like, having never experienced it myself. Maybe it's something like one of those Christmas shows that I have seen on the television while I've visited them. It's hard to imagine that this morning there will be twice as many gifts under their tree than there were last night. The room will be positively overflowing.

My Christmas mornings always consisted of the same thing. New gloves, new boots, and a book. The book always wrapped in plain brown paper. My yearly requests for a toy would go unheeded. All I ever asked for was a single toy. Not a list. One. But it was wasteful my grandparents would say. A toy wouldn't benefit me in any way. It was frivolous and mindless. But it would have made me happy.

By the time I reached the age of ten I asked for nothing, knowing that I would always receive the same things year after year. New gloves, new boots, and a book. Looking back, the worst part of all of this was the going to school after the Christmas break. The other students would talk about their gifts. The games. Toy trucks. Blocks. When asked what I received I would always have the same answer. I was stared at and then they happily moved on to talk to someone else in the room. Being home schooled most of the time I wasn't subjected to repeating this to the same group of classmates throughout my entire childhood. Repeating it twice was enough.* 

Setting his pen down, Fraser closed his journal. With a resigned sigh, he got up from his bed and prepared to go to the Vecchio's house. He had begged off spending Christmas morning with them. He wasn't family. But they wouldn't take no for an answer when it came to attending church and coming for Christmas dinner. And being that he promised Father Behan that he would sing with the choir, it did make sense to join them.

Pulling on a freshly ironed pair of jeans, he tucked his flannel shirt in. Shrugging into his coat, he grabbed his stetson and a sack of presents for the Vecchio's. The gifts weren't anything fancy, just small things that he had made himself.

"Diefenbaker." Waving his wolf companion out the door, he began his long walk to their house. 

**********

Lightly knocking on the front door, Fraser moved back slightly when it was flung open. Francesca jumped out and enveloped him in a hug, giving him a quick kiss. "Merry Christmas Fraze!" Smiling, she stared into his eyes, only releasing him when Ray ran up to the entrance and yelled at her.

"Frannie! Get off of him!"

She squealed out her laughter and ducked past Ray, leaving a stunned Canadian on the front porch. Ray chuckled as he pulled Fraser into the foyer. "You okay Benny? Sorry about that. The place gets kinda' wild on Christmas morning. Come on, you're just in time for breakfast."

Fraser hesitated. Ray hadn't said anything about eating breakfast with them. He felt like he was intruding. "But..."

"No buts! We eat first, go to mass, come back and watch some football and then we stuff ourselves some more. You've missed enough already." Ray looked at the sack in Fraser's hand. "What's that?"

"Gifts for the family."

"Aw geez Benny. You didn't have to do that." He took the sack from him and set it down in the hall. The moment Fraser hung his coat and stetson up, Ray pushed him toward the dining room.

He was greeted with a chorus of 'Merry Christmas' from all the Vecchio's. He quietly took a seat next to Ray. Looking around the table he saw the glowing happy faces of Ray's family. Looking directly across from him, he met Francesca's gaze. He held it briefly, before giving her a shy smile. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ray's disapproving glare. Tucking his head down he sighed. *What would it hurt to ask her out? One date. Just to see if we could be good together.* He looked at Ray and knew what would hurt. Ray. The big brother who would probably kill him if he tried anything close to asking Francesca out. *Just forget it. He doesn't approve of you as a suitor.*

Sitting quietly and eating very little, Ray sensed his somber mood. "You okay?"

"Yes Ray."

"Come on. It's Christmas. You can't be mopin' around."

"I'm not moping ." Fraser ignored Ray's teasing and finished his breakfast.

The house became a hectic flow of humanity as they ran around cleaning up and getting ready for mass. He was always amazed at this family. The yelling and name calling. The quick flashes of anger that changed to hugs and laughter. A kaleidoscope of emotions flowed through the home. Before he knew it they were all clamoring to get going. Organized chaos was the only thing that could describe them. 

The short walk to the church was filled with laughter and chatter as the family made their way to mass. Maria held Teresa's hand and Tony Jr. walked along side of Tony Sr., refusing to have his hand held, protesting that he was too big to hold hands any more. Angelo had chosen to walk with Fraser. Uncle Benny was his favorite.

"Uncle Benny, can you carry me? I'm tired." He held his mitten covered hands up to Fraser who easily scooped him up.

Ray shook his head and made a disapproving face. "You spoil him Benny."

"Ray, he's tired. I'm not spoiling him."

Francesca edged up so that she was walking along side of Fraser. "So Benton. Do you want kids of your own?"

Glancing at her, he saw the slight smile on her lips, but her eyes were serious. She was testing him. "Yes, I would like to have children of my own."

"You know Benton, that means you have to get married."

Ray walked in-between them. "Knock it off Frannie."

"Geez Ray. I'm only talkin' to him."

"Yeah right. Leave him alone for one day. Can you do that?"

Fraser looked past Ray and smiled slightly at Francesca. "Yes I do know that I have to get married to have a family. Technically."

She looked back at him startled. "Wait a sec. What do you mean by technically? You wouldn't..."

Ray shouted. "Knock it off the both of you!"

"You don't need to yell Ray. It is Christmas. We were only having a conversation." In a huff, she walked ahead of them so that she entered the church with Ma.

Fraser set Angelo down in the pew. "I'll see you after mass." The entire family looked at him in shock. "No! I mean...not...I'm not...I'm singing. With the choir." They all visibly relaxed.

Ray leaned in and whispered to him. "Thank God, you weren't leaving. If you did that Ma would have locked you out of the house and you wouldn't get any dinner." Ray smiled and patted Fraser lightly on the shoulder. "See you later."

Ray took his place in the pew. As Fraser turned to make his way to the back of the church he caught the eye of Frankie Zuko sitting with his family. Zuko nodded at him with a slight smile on his face. Fraser acknowledged him, his own smile humorless. He knew he must have looked more threatening than jovial, because Zuko immediately looked away from him. Christmas may be a time for forgiveness, but Fraser vowed to himself that someday he would bring Zuko in like the criminal that he was.

As he continued down the isle Fraser greeted people that he had seen during the past year. He glanced around the church and saw numerous new faces as well. He had never seen the church packed to overflowing like this.

Father Behan greeted him warmly as he walked into the side room leading upstairs. "Merry Christmas Ben. Are you prepared to sing the praises of God on his son's day?"

"I shall endeavor to do my best Father Behan."

"As you always do."

Making his way to the upper level, Fraser joined the choir. He felt out of place in his flannel and jeans. They all wore suits and dresses. Some glittered like a festive holiday ornament. He moved to the front and took his place on the rail. He loved the view of the old church from here. He could observe every parishioner. And from his vantage point the unique architecture and love that went into it's design shone. It was old and weary, but it still was magnificent in it's beauty. Standing here was like being on top of a mountain looking down into the valley. It was something that he never tired of.

Picking up the missal, he followed along with Father Behan's reading. Father Behan closed his bible and walked in front of the alter, preparing to give his homily. He looked out at the full church. It was a shame the pews weren't packed every Sunday throughout the year like this, but at least his flock joined together for one day a year. "Christmas is a time to celebrate. For some it means gifts and toys. For others it is a time when family gets together to celebrate the holiday season. To rejoice in the comfort of being as one."

Fraser felt a slight pang of loneliness run through him. He had no family, he was truly alone.

"Some of us mourn the passing of loved ones not present at this time of year. You shouldn't mourn, you should rejoice. Though they are not here in the flesh, they are in spirit. Each one of you are a part of them, as they are a part of you. As you celebrate this holy day of the birth of the Christ child, you should also celebrate your loved ones eternal salvation. You are never alone. God is with you. Your family is with you. Praise be to God."

Picking his hymnal up, Fraser pondered what Father Behan had said. It was almost as if he were sending him a personal message. He wasn't alone. His family may be gone from this earth, but as long as he lived, they lived. It gave him a pleasant warm feeling.

As the organist began playing, Fraser reached deep within himself, singing from his heart and soul. Each note rang out loud and clear, his voice carrying across the church, echoing in the high vaulted ceiling. As he sang, he closed his eyes, picturing his Mum and then his Dad. They were with him as he sang.

As the last note drifted from his lips, he smiled and opened his eyes. As he looked down at the people below, he was startled to see them all turned, staring up at the choir. And to his surprise, they applauded. He looked around him as the choir clapped as well. *Oh dear.* Those closest patted him lightly on the back, congratulating him on his singing. Tucking his head down slightly, he could feel the telltale heat of a blush rising on his face. He looked down into the church again and searched for the Vecchio's pew. Catching Ray's eye he smiled slightly as Ray grinned up at him. He almost laughed when he saw Francesca, Maria and Ma dabbing their eyes with handkerchiefs.

As everyone settled back in their seats, Father Behan smiled and looked over his parish. "I see the angels have touched one of our own this morning with their voice."

There was a ripple of chuckles throughout the church and Fraser again put his head down. He hadn't meant to sing like that. To draw all the attention to himself. But thinking of his parents being with him had made him feel better than he had in months.

Father Behan's voice drew him back. "Let us pray."

The service continued and the choir sang a few more songs. Fraser consciously tuned down his singing, holding himself back. When the service was over, he was again congratulated on his singing. People greeted him as he walked by and as he approached the Vecchio's, their bright smiles caused him to nervously finger the brim of his stetson.

A pair of nuns walked past Francesca and murmured something, causing her face to light up, her head nodding in agreement. Ray clapped him on the shoulder and shook him slightly. "Geez Benny, when you decide to let loose, you do it big!"

Fraser rubbed his thumb across his brow. It felt as if the entire parish were staring at him. He could feel another blush making it's way up his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sing like that. It's just...well...Father Behan's sermon... it made sense to me."

Ray's smile softened when he realized what Fraser was talking about. His parents. "Yeah, I can see how it would." Ray looked around at his family. He had his mother, his sisters, a brother-in-law, a niece and nephews. Fraser had no one. No that wasn't right. Fraser had them. "You know Benny, you do have family. You have us." 

Fraser looked down at his feet, his voice low. "Yes Ray." 

They walked out of the church and back to the bustling house. Fraser smiled as he helped Mrs. Vecchio prepare Christmas dinner. Watching Francesca making mashed potatoes. Maria slapping Ray's hand away as he reached into a bowl to get a finger full of icing. The children running around playing. Diefenbaker being fed turkey giblets by Tony. The warmth in the room radiated throughout him. The Vecchio's were the closest thing to a family that he had, but he also knew that his Mum and Dad were still with him. This simple happy feeling was the true meaning of Christmas. *I'm not alone after all.*

END


End file.
